All my fears

I really can't believe this but I'm pregnant. It's a long story of how I got here but I need to talk about my fears that exist today. I am six weeks past my LMP but things aren't looking very good. My HCG levels have been rising slowly-doubling but started out low. I had an ultrasound yesterday and the g-sac is measuring at 4 weeks rather than 6 weeks. I've been told to prepare for a miscarriage-"watch for spotting", the doctors and nurses at the fertility office feel "guarded". My beloved midwives are being honest when they say, "things don't sound good".
I feel like all the fears I've had allowing myself to get pregnant again are coming true. How will I ever trust my body again when it's doing everything ALL WRONG!!! I need everything to go smoothly. I need the extra monitoring to be only for sanity sake not for miscarriage watch or whatever else could go wrong in a pregnancy.
I'm scared, angry, sad, and in complete despair. I don't even know what do or where to go. I feel so broken.
I have another ultrasound on Friday to see if the right growth is happening. They've mentioned that it's possible that I ovulated twice. I know my cycle pretty well. I've kept track of when we had sex. This would still make measurements off by a week or a little less. And why would I ovulate twice???? Who does that? I mean it gives me hope to think that but I just can't possibly believe or foresee that this pregnancy will bring me a living child.
What I've been telling myself these days is, "My story is not like other people's story." Everyone wants to tell you how things worked out for other people but that's not me. That's not my story!! Things didn't work out for my Eva. She didn't get better and come home with us to grow into a beautiful little girl. That's not my story.
I wonder how I will survive this. How much loss can one person take? I know of women who have lost more. I just don't want that story. I want my rainbow, my happy ending. (stomping feet).